Relaxing
Wow! I think my last post had a tone of darkness. So I’m gonna make up for it!
Holy shit! So many people have been able to see Lovely, Still now because of freakin’ netflix instant watch. I never put that together until now. Total mass instant audience. ”Hey lady checking me out at Bakers – Check out my film on instant watch” – “Hey weirdo travel kid – Check out my movie on your expensive macbook you somehow have”. ITS GREAT!!!
I need to realize that big mainstream theater distribution is dead. People would much rather watch on their computers. That is this generation’s choice of experience (Probably due to the inflated prices of the movie theaters and just excitement over new technology. Oh yes! And extreme laziness and fear of what is outside the safety of suburban walls) and by god, maybe I’ll keep that in mind on my next three films I want to make.
We begin the spread and begin the journey of financing of theNew3 in January. So Im gonna spend this month writing music. SEE!!!!!!!
Check out the new band I’ve been writing songs and playing lead in.
And Check out my Solo Project!
Much love! Omaha is snowing. LA isn’t. But I’ll back soon for more love and cold and Christmas presents!
So… My movie comes out on DVD tomorrow. Strange feelings accompany it’s release. I am happy it is over. I’m happy it’s out. 3 years of traveling and fighting. Excitement and disappointment. Never quitting while others quit around me. Now it’s out and I need to feel like I haven’t failed. When part of me feels like I have. I am all together too ambitious and that is why when things don’t reach the level I want them too it makes me really question why my mind is made to set myself up in such pitfalls. Not that my brain cannot be re-programmed. It can. But being an over ambitious control freak really helps get shit done. But the problem is you can’t do everything by yourself and I’ve only met a handful of people who are willing to put up with me and travel the same path I travel. All I can do is work harder to not make the same mistakes. Learn from the hell, not burn in it.
I accomplished the task I set out to accomplish. But it wasn’t without extreme sacrifice. Such extreme highs and lows. I found a note I wrote to myself during the post production of Lovely, Still. Towards the end where I found myself on the phone – fighting and fighting and fighting for my film not to be taken away from me – Probably around 2008. Here is what I wrote:
I honestly can’t tell you why I direct films. There are so many horrible things that go along with it. If you ask me, I don’t have a clue why anyone would put up with it. I’m not kidding at all. I get put through hell. To direct means to love and to be asked at all times to judge the thing you love, rather than just love it. But if I were to think of one reason why I put myself through this… It is because even though when making a film I can feel angry, betrayed, bitter, lost, lonely, desperate, psychotic, empty… even though I go through all those feelings… At least I’m feeling something, and I suppose that is worth more to me than anything. Experience is the only true currency. At my end it won’t be how much I obtained while I lived… It will be how much I felt while here… To stake a claim to my experiences as a human. That’s why I choose to direct films. It is a passion and chase for a love that is not real… A love that must always be given away and remembered as just an experience and nothing more.
Pretty heavy. And now it is over. Now I move on to my next film. Or project. Whatever you want to call it. To again sacrifice the safe normality of comfort for the inspiration and experience of discomfort. Is this the role of the creator archetype? To give and give while suffering? Or is this the role of all conscious sentient beings? Breathe – except it. Love it. The way does not change – but the person moving can.
Any way you can buy it at Amazon.com tomorrow HERE. I’m gonna get a drink and pray the DVD art looks simple and elegant. We will see tomorrow.
This is a picture of me telling the story of how I was out in the wilderness living off nature, barfing and shitting at the exact same time. It sucked. But what an experience :-)
Been in Omaha for awhile. Working on new music with Dereck. Mastering my record. Organizing what the next steps on my next films and music projects are going to be.
I think more and more it has become clear to me that I am here to create. To Love and to create. The latter when the former slips the rug out from under me.
I have taken the first public steps of my next musical project InDreama:
www.ilike.com/artist/InDreama
In it I am Dreama.
Filmmaking wise – I finished my big mythological epic and I am awaiting the puppet test footage we shot for my other new feature.
I zoomed out from my life a bit and realized I think a solid plan would be to make two feature films a year. That limits me to about 10 before my life expectancy starts to catch up with my intentions. That gives me time to create music and paintings, tour and adventure as much as possible in between the films. Maybe find a woman – Fall in love. I’ve never thought this far out of my own perception of the future before. Seems like it is about time though. Create. Create. Create. Bring on the feelings.
Hope you all enjoy the new music project. The songs have been in the process of creation for about a year and carry with them a huge expansion of honest feelings and experiences. Transformation has begun. Take the next steps now. Hesitation is disaster. Spontaneity is forced inspiration- But hey, fake it til’ you make it.