So… My movie comes out on DVD tomorrow. Strange feelings accompany it’s release. I am happy it is over. I’m happy it’s out. 3 years of traveling and fighting. Excitement and disappointment. Never quitting while others quit around me. Now it’s out and I need to feel like I haven’t failed. When part of me feels like I have. I am all together too ambitious and that is why when things don’t reach the level I want them too it makes me really question why my mind is made to set myself up in such pitfalls. Not that my brain cannot be re-programmed. It can. But being an over ambitious control freak really helps get shit done. But the problem is you can’t do everything by yourself and I’ve only met a handful of people who are willing to put up with me and travel the same path I travel. All I can do is work harder to not make the same mistakes. Learn from the hell, not burn in it.
I accomplished the task I set out to accomplish. But it wasn’t without extreme sacrifice. Such extreme highs and lows. I found a note I wrote to myself during the post production of Lovely, Still. Towards the end where I found myself on the phone – fighting and fighting and fighting for my film not to be taken away from me – Probably around 2008. Here is what I wrote:
I honestly can’t tell you why I direct films. There are so many horrible things that go along with it. If you ask me, I don’t have a clue why anyone would put up with it. I’m not kidding at all. I get put through hell. To direct means to love and to be asked at all times to judge the thing you love, rather than just love it. But if I were to think of one reason why I put myself through this… It is because even though when making a film I can feel angry, betrayed, bitter, lost, lonely, desperate, psychotic, empty… even though I go through all those feelings… At least I’m feeling something, and I suppose that is worth more to me than anything. Experience is the only true currency. At my end it won’t be how much I obtained while I lived… It will be how much I felt while here… To stake a claim to my experiences as a human. That’s why I choose to direct films. It is a passion and chase for a love that is not real… A love that must always be given away and remembered as just an experience and nothing more.
Pretty heavy. And now it is over. Now I move on to my next film. Or project. Whatever you want to call it. To again sacrifice the safe normality of comfort for the inspiration and experience of discomfort. Is this the role of the creator archetype? To give and give while suffering? Or is this the role of all conscious sentient beings? Breathe – except it. Love it. The way does not change – but the person moving can.
Any way you can buy it at Amazon.com tomorrow HERE. I’m gonna get a drink and pray the DVD art looks simple and elegant. We will see tomorrow.
This is a picture of me telling the story of how I was out in the wilderness living off nature, barfing and shitting at the exact same time. It sucked. But what an experience :-)
Been in Omaha for awhile. Working on new music with Dereck. Mastering my record. Organizing what the next steps on my next films and music projects are going to be.
I think more and more it has become clear to me that I am here to create. To Love and to create. The latter when the former slips the rug out from under me.
I have taken the first public steps of my next musical project InDreama:
www.ilike.com/artist/InDreama
In it I am Dreama.
Filmmaking wise – I finished my big mythological epic and I am awaiting the puppet test footage we shot for my other new feature.
I zoomed out from my life a bit and realized I think a solid plan would be to make two feature films a year. That limits me to about 10 before my life expectancy starts to catch up with my intentions. That gives me time to create music and paintings, tour and adventure as much as possible in between the films. Maybe find a woman – Fall in love. I’ve never thought this far out of my own perception of the future before. Seems like it is about time though. Create. Create. Create. Bring on the feelings.
Hope you all enjoy the new music project. The songs have been in the process of creation for about a year and carry with them a huge expansion of honest feelings and experiences. Transformation has begun. Take the next steps now. Hesitation is disaster. Spontaneity is forced inspiration- But hey, fake it til’ you make it.
9 years ago I started attempting to make a film. Tomorrow – Friday September 10th – it is releasing. I find myself becoming emotional. Thank you. Thank you all who have been involved. I have so much love for all of you. I did it. We did it. LOVE LOVE LOVE. THANKS THANKS THANKS.
I can’t explain the amount of joy, pride and exhaustion I feel.
What a day! Lovely, Still was mentioned on NPR today!!! LISTEN TO THE WONDERFUL INTERVIEW WITH MARTIN HERE!
I feel really blessed. It’s going to be a busy month, flying all over the place. Everything is finally taking off with Lovely, Still. All sorts of interviews and press! Wow, this has been 3 years of dreaming about my film playing in real theaters and now it is happening.
I can only be gracious past this point with my film. I wonder if people will see it? I wonder what reactions in non film festival theaters will be? It is sort of an odd film. I’m sure a huge group will immediately right it off because of the old person love story thing. But maybe they won’t. Maybe something sensitive is needed. Luck needs good timing and preparation I suppose.
Going to see Man Man and Panda Bear this weekend here in LA. AND! I went to the Magic Castle last night. That place was amazing. I now have goal in this town, become a member of Magic Castle and spend every night getting boozed up there!!
I always wanted a Monkey
So it is official. Team Love Records will be releasing my record this January.
DREAMA – In Dreama
(Artwork by Sierra Joy)
The record features the muscians: Nik Fackler(DREAMA), Ashley Miller, Brainworlds, Dereck Higgins, Sam Martin
I am very honored and excited to release my record. I hope to start touring this winter to support it’s release. Once the record is mastered I’ll put up some samples of what to expect.
Also working on new Flowers Forever songs at the beginning of next month. Busy Busy Busy.
Check this out! I got the tester DVD box today. HOT DAMN!
I remember when I was 15 and making short films. Every short that came out me and my friend Tony Bonacci would make DVD covers and posters for them in photoshop. Fake it til you make it right?
Working on helping Tim Kasher finish his newest music video for his Solo record. It’s gonna be great. Ill post it next week.
We are one month away from Lovely, Still release(BIRTH) into the world. Just to update everyone – SO FAR we are releasing in Arizona, Massachusetts, Michigan, California, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, Colorado, Oregon, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Delaware and Florida. CHECK OUT THIS SITE – for more specifics like theaters and cities.
It has been very busy for me lately. Flowers Forever played the CONCERT FOR EQUALITY last week with Bright Eyes, Cursive, Gillian Welch, Dave Rawlings, David Dondero and Desaparecidos! HOLY SHIT! It was an amazing show and I felt not only proud to be an artist(VOICE) in America, but also just proud to be an AMERICAN.
(PICTURE BY ROB WALTERS)
I will be editing Tim Kasher’s new video which he is directing for his next record this weekend. Followed by a Music Video for Deerhunter. Going into the studio with Flowers Forever. Working on my own record’s release (MORE TO COME SOON).
The best part is I have two new feature films scheduled for this year! AND LOVELY’S RELEASE! I’m working my ass off. I’m broke as all hell. But I am happy and that is all that matters.
More to come soon on Lovely’s release – My record and more.
Hey all!
CHECK THIS PAGE: For all the upcoming release dates and locations (Including New York, California, Arizona, Michigan, New Mexico and Florida) for Lovely, Still’s release.
